and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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