i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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