alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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