Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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