Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
