See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize