3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dicks are not precious.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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