she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
