I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize