I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
