Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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