I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He did a backflip because drugs
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
