i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
