Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
