No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
