Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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