so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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