I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
