Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
