in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
