Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize