i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
