Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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