I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
