ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
