Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
