Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
