I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
