He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
