Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
