Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Drake has all the answers
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize