i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
