Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize