He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
