GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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