i think my mom watched the whole time
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am mentally ready for anal.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
