i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
