explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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