After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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