Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
