the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
