Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
