so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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