i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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