I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
