You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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