I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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