Your tits are I can't wait for
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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