Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
