I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
