That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
