No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
