come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
