I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
