Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
