my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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