I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
