his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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