Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
