she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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