No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
