We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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