I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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