You're so nebulous sometimes
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize