I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
a search helicopter?!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
