Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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