Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hippo gnu deer
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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