On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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