so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
