I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
