I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
