There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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