My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
