My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
