Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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