just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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