The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
