white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
