Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
