I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize