Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
