Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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