I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Can I color on your dick again?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize