i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
