I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
