I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize