Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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