In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
