nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
