I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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