So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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