she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
