Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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