yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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