yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
