After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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