had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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