I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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