Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
