Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
