I hate all girls vehemently.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
