I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
