i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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