The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Redeem this text for a blowjob
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
