Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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