Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
