He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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