zippers are such a cool invention
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
