my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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